“Papa Trump is here”: Russian tabloids discuss Donald Trump

The media frenzy that unfolded after Donald Trump’s victory in last week’s presidential election didn’t bypass the Russian tabloids.

While there was some expected celebration on the mainstream TV channels, the tabloids approached the issue with more creativity. There is commentary from all kinds of experts, from economists to plastic surgeons, as well as highly speculative analyses of the “American liberal media hysterical over Trump’s victory” and also who will win in a fight between him and the xenomorph from Alien (Trump will).

Several newspapers immediately took on paternal terms, regularly describing Trump as “papa” who has “come home to sort out the country’s troubles the old-fashioned way”. Others found unexpected angles in interviews with the woman who used to work as a nanny for the president-elect, and his former hairdresser on The Apprentice, who claims that Trump’s outdated hairstyle, which hasn’t changed in a few decades, might be indicative of his future conservative policies. There’s also an interview with Oxana Fedorova, the first Miss Russia to win Miss Universe, a beauty pageant previously owned by Donald Trump, in which she praises him as a “family man”.

In an interview in Komsomolskaya Pravda, a plastic surgeon detailed the advantages of different types of face-lifts Trump could try in order to look more attractive when he’s president. In yet another piece, a sexologist and a psychiatrist explained his behaviour and why he appeals to voters, and a physiognomist analysed the future president’s facial expressions and gestures during his acceptance speech and concluded that “the gratitude he expressed wasn’t sincere”.

Another columnist, who writes from the point of view of Fyodor Dostoyevsky, produced a philosophical debate on the nature of human virtue, and advised we look at the way Trump laughs to see if he’s a genuinely good person or not. On the same fictional note, another piece logically explains who would win in fights between sci-fi monsters and Trump: in all cases the president-elect wins, except in a fight with Godzilla, which would end in a draw because “both are first-class monsters”.

The culture section of Life.ru details the future American president’s favourite films, books and music — complete with a playlist titled “Be like Trump”. The popular genre of cat news also got a chance to be involved — there are reports that a cat named Donald Trump who lives in a St Petersburg-based cat cafe called Cat Republic received a special meal to celebrate his namesake’s presidential win.